I don’t trust you…

July 31, 2012

Thinking a bit today and I got to wondering, how often do I act out of distrust?

I’m not going to tell you…
I’m not going to let you do…
I’m not going to quit looking over your shoulder…
I’m going to make sure you know you made a mistake…

Because I don’t trust you, or because I don’t trust God to clean up or teach or lead–all things I’ve seen him do repeatedly.  But I don’t trust.

And, of course I’ve found much better ways of couching my unbelief.

It needs to be done right.
You’re not ready yet.
You’re still growing.
Things take time.
I’m responsible for that.

The reality is, I trust my own performance. And as long as I’m my own savior I’ll be doing my damnedest to show you and everyone else that your best isn’t good enough because if it is, I might be revealed as a fraud, as someone who doesn’t measure up.  Someone who can’t save themselves.  And then I’d be in real trouble. Then I’d really need saving! There’s no way I can have that!

There’s definitely no way I’m going to put you in a place where it becomes utterly clear that you need saving! Because then I would have failed to save you and we might have to look together for someone greater than us both who could carry our burdens and sickness. Someone who could emerge on the other side to call us through death of our conceived selves to a table set in wider pastures.

But, Lord knows I can’t have all that. Least, not so long as I don’t trust…


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