I don’t trust you…

July 31, 2012

Thinking a bit today and I got to wondering, how often do I act out of distrust?

I’m not going to tell you…
I’m not going to let you do…
I’m not going to quit looking over your shoulder…
I’m going to make sure you know you made a mistake…

Because I don’t trust you, or because I don’t trust God to clean up or teach or lead–all things I’ve seen him do repeatedly.  But I don’t trust.

And, of course I’ve found much better ways of couching my unbelief.

It needs to be done right.
You’re not ready yet.
You’re still growing.
Things take time.
I’m responsible for that.

The reality is, I trust my own performance. And as long as I’m my own savior I’ll be doing my damnedest to show you and everyone else that your best isn’t good enough because if it is, I might be revealed as a fraud, as someone who doesn’t measure up.  Someone who can’t save themselves.  And then I’d be in real trouble. Then I’d really need saving! There’s no way I can have that!

There’s definitely no way I’m going to put you in a place where it becomes utterly clear that you need saving! Because then I would have failed to save you and we might have to look together for someone greater than us both who could carry our burdens and sickness. Someone who could emerge on the other side to call us through death of our conceived selves to a table set in wider pastures.

But, Lord knows I can’t have all that. Least, not so long as I don’t trust…



August 20, 2010

Well, maybe not HOME yet, but house at least…

I just got off the phone with a local property management firm letting us know we’ve been approved for a duplex we saw yesterday!  Excellent!  Especially considering we weren’t actually supposed to be eligible for this duplex! (thank you Kate for pushing us to apply anyway!)

A couple of weeks ago when we were denied for a duplex we really liked, we kept reminding ourselves, “The giver of good things has something for us…”  And now, we’ll be moving in September first after we sign our lease!  Sweet!

Thursday nights these days Kate and I trade off watching Jude and joining a small group of people in our church praying for and sharing about what the Lord is doing in and around us in the places we reside.  Last night was my turn to go to the prayer meeting.

At one point in the night between worship songs, I was reading Acts 4 where the saints are praying after the proclamation of the Gospel (mission) has gotten them in to trouble. Let me quote verses 29 and 30–

And now, Lord, pay attention to their threats, and grant to your servants to speak your message with great courage, even as you extend your hand to heal, and to bring about miraculous signs and wonders through the name of your holy servant Jesus.”

I love this passage for a couple reasons.  1) we know that God values the situation we live in (i.e. “their threats”) because he came in to our situation in the Incarnation. 2) The praying believers ask only for courage to do what their life in Christ leads them to do–to speak the Good News.  3) It is God who does the healing; His action validates the claim upon which we, His followers, have staked our lives.  So good.
So, following our time of prayer it was great to hear the things the Lord is doing in people’s lives (even through my broken Dutch :)).  Some of you might remember about a month ago that I had asked for prayer for someone’s neighbor who was close to accepting Jesus.  Last night I heard that that person had come to faith in the last month!  Our Prayer in action as the heals in the name of his servant Jesus!

Your prayers are effective in the building of Christ’s Kingdom in Holland!


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